Searching
by trillion42
Summary: "What are we searching for?" "Him." "The king? But he's right there." Arthur has lost himself, and the only way to find himself again is to find Merlin. Merthur. Shall I continue it? "T" for one curse word.
1. Chapter 1

"Where are we going?" whispered the newest knight, Michael, to Sir Gwaine. A dark pained look crossed the older man's face.

"Searching."

"For?"

Gwaine sighed, pain never leaving his eyes. He glanced up at King Arthur, who was leading the party with a stoic and determined face. "Him."

Michael followed his gaze. "The king? But he's right there."

"Yet, he's not," said Sir Leon, riding up next to the younger knight. His face showed no emotion, except a glint of sympathy directed at the king. "He's lost himself."

Michael gave him a puzzled look. "I don't understand."

Gwaine sighed again. "The king has lost himself, forgotten who he is. That's why we are out here."

The youngest knight shook his head. "Does he expect to find 'himself' out here?"

The older knights shared a look. "No," Gwaine whispered. "He's searching for someone; then he'll find himself."

"Who is he searching for?"

Gwaine swallowed and Leon's eyes saddened. "Someone that meant more to him than Camelot, someone who was buried so deeply in his heart that the love he has for them burns like a fire. The person he can't live without."

"Like a soul mate?"

They nodded.

"His soul mate was like no one else…" Gwaine hid his face for a moment. "And his soul mate was like a brother to me."

Michael wasn't sure if he should push for information, but curiosity won over. "May I ask…what was this person's name?"

There was a silence and Gwaine rode up ahead, keeping his face hidden. Leon, however, offered him a small smile.

"Don't worry about Gwaine, it's a sore subject for him. The king's soul mate's name was…" He closed his eyes as memories flowed back. "_Merlin._"

Michael scoffed. "Isn't that a bird?"

Leon nodded. "It is. Merlin was the king's manservant for many years-"

"Manservant? The king's soul mate a manservant?"

He was fixed with an icy glare. "Do you have a problem with that? Merlin was the bravest of us all, and the kindest. Treated everyone the same, whether noble or peasant."

"What about him being the king's soul mate?"

Leon chuckled and looked ahead. "They had a great deal of love for each other, let's leave it at that. A blind man could even see it. They were like two sides of the same coin."

"But what happened?"

The older knight's face darkened. "About five years ago, he and Arth – the king went on a hunting trip. When the king returned, he was alone. He wouldn't talk to anyone for days. Suddenly, he's missing, gone off in the woods. A patrol was sent out to find him. He was searching for Merlin." His eyes narrowed. "Apparently, Merlin had been taken by some bandits – but I say that's bullshit. Arth – the king would've never let that have happened. After that day, we do a monthly search of the forest, the king still searching for his other half."

"After five years?" Michael was amazed.

"Yes," whispered Leon. "We all are here searching for Merlin."

Micheal looked around at the group of knights. It was only Sirs Elyan, Percival, Gwaine, Leon, and himself – and of course the king.

"What if Merlin is dead?"

"We can't afford to think like that."

"Why not?"

"Because," said King Arthur, eyes glowing as he turned around on is steed and stopped the group. "Merlin is not dead."

* * *

**A/N: This was just an idea that popped in my head. Shall I continue it? Leave a review to let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin stood alone in a shadowy patch of the forest, breathing in deeply. The sounds of birds and other creatures was soothing. He turned when he heard a footstep behind him.

"You should be resting," a female voice drawls from behind. He smiles as he feels her arms wrap around him in an embrace.

"I'm fine," he says, burying his face in her raven hair, as she pressed the side of her's into his chest.

"You, my friend, are shivering."

"I'm fine."

He felt a hand move to his forehead. "You have a fever."

He rolled his unseeing eyes. "I'm fine, Morgana."

Even if he was now blind, he could practically see her glowering up at him. "Merlin, you know I'm not afraid to use _her _on you."

He paled. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

Her arms untangled from around him, and a hand slipped into his. "Morgana-"

"Just shut up and follow me."

He sighed as the sorceress dragged them back to their encampment, leading him into his tent.

"Morgana, I'm fine."

"At least lay down."

"I'm _fine_."

"Lily!"

Tiny footsteps made his heart stop. He turned his face in the direction of his friend. "No!"

Morgana giggled. "I told you, I'm not afraid to use her."

"Emr's!" squealed a high pitched, three year old's voice. Merlin groaned.

"Lily," he murmured.

"Emr's sick, 'Gana?"

"Oh, yes, he is." Morgana was clearly enjoying it, the smirk heard in her voice. "Can you help him, Physician Lily?"

"Ya!"

"Get to it!" She stooped down to where Merlin was sitting for a moment. "Sorry, Merlin, but you really need rest."

He huffed indignantly. "I'm fine."

She smiled and pressed a sisterly kiss on his forehead before leaving.

"'Kay, Emr's! Lay down!" Small hands pushed on him. He lay down. "Feel hot, Emr's!"

He heard her toddle away, trying to find some water. He was such a push-over for his children.

Of course, they were not _his_, but he loved them like they were. There was little Lily, her heart already set on being physician, and baby Thomas, only two years old. And Amelia, the eight year old sweet heart, having been disowned by her family when they discovered she had magic. Kelvin was ten, but was way too hot headed to be trusted with a sword. Lastly, there was Angel, thirteen year old with a thick skin who went as far to call him "father" occasionally. Next to Morgana, she was second in command.

"I back Emr's!"

Lily ran over a placed a soaking wet cloth on his brow. It dribbled a little into his hair, but he didn't mind. She was trying.

"Now, sleep, Emr's! You get better!"

"Alright, Physician." He really couldn't deny her this pleasure of taking care of him; she enjoyed it.

"Sweet dweams, Emr's," she muttered as she pulled a blanket around him. "Wuv you."

Merlin's eyes closed as he smiled. "Love you, too, my little physician."

She sloppily kissed his wet forehead and walked out.

* * *

"How is he?"

Morgana sighed as she sat down at their small fire. Angel was worse than a mother hen when it came to Merlin. "Same as usual. Fever. Pale. Clammy."

The girl sighed. "And he still went out?"

"He's bored."

"That's no excuse!" Angel's eyes were full concerned indignation. "He's ill. He could get worse. He needs a physician."

The sorceress huffed. "He has one."

Angel scoffed. "A three year old is no physician."

They sat, glaring at each other from across the flames. Morgana knew Merlin needed help. She just didn't think he needed it _yet._

"Morgana-"

"Angel-"

Both stopped. "You first," said Morgana.

"Why can't we go to Camelot? It's the only kingdom that allows magic." The girl watched across the camp as little Lily struggled with a wet rag that she brought into Merlin's tent. "I know what _happened_ – " her voice took and icy tone. She knew what happened between Emrys and the king. " – But can't we go in disguise? We have to do something!"

Morgana shook her head. "Merlin wants nothing to do with that place."

"I can convince him."

"He doesn't want to go."

"He's getting worse."

"Angel-"

"I'm not going to watch him die!" Angel hid her face as tears formed. She was lucky Thomas was napping and Kelvin and Amelia were collecting firewood; she never showed weakness in front of them.

"Angel!" Morgana was at her side in an instant, hugging her tight and stroking her hair. If Merlin was Angel's adopted father, Morgana was definitely her mother, or at least an aunt. "Angel, you won't to watch him die," Morgana promised. "I'll make sure of that."

The girl nodded, wiping her eyes. "Can I see him?"

Morgana raised her eyebrows, and nodded at Lily who was coming out of the tent. "You'll have to ask his physician."

Angel gulped and strode over to the little girl. "Can I see Emrys, physician?" Angel knew she had to play along, or a very angry and magical tantrum would be thrown.

"He sleeping, but you can see Emr's," Lily approved.

Angel brushed her brown hair out of her eyes, calm and composed as she entered.

Merlin looked pale, skinny too. Angel knew he couldn't be a day over twenty four, but he always seemed much older than that. Kneeling down beside him, she took his hand.

"Get better, or else I'll sic Thomas to cuddle you to death!" she threatened, but then lost enthusiasm. "Please? Please, just get better."

She let some tears fall.

* * *

Back in Camelot, the king had locked himself in his chambers. They had failed to find Merlin. Again.

"Where are you?" he whispered to the air. It had become a habit of his ever since his servant went missing. "Please, let me bring you home."

He stared at the moon that was shining in his window.

"Please, I'm sorry."

* * *

**A/N: So? What you'd think? Like Merlin's family? Want to know what happened between him and Arthur? Want to know why he 's blind? Want to know who Angel's real father is? (hint: it's one of the Knights of the Round Table.) Confused?**

**Note: there will be no Mergana in this fic. Just Merthur and some side parings.**

**And thanks for all the reviews guys! May the magics be with you!**

**So, shall I continue it? Shall I?**


	3. Chapter 3

When Arthur woke up that morning, he felt a strange warmth next to him, something he had he felt before.

"Merlin?" he asked, eyes flashing open to see his ex-manservant. Merlin smiled up at him.

"It's not me," he said softly, sweetly, and in only the way _Merlin _could.

"Please." Arthur was actually _begging_. "Please, tell me you're here." He wrapped his arms around Merlin, surprised to find he was solid, unlike his other hallucinations.

Merlin smiled again. "I'm not, Arthur. I'm sorry."

"No." Arthur sat up as Merlin disappeared. "Merlin!"

Ever since the day that Arthur had left Merlin bleeding out on the ground, the king had been having hallucinations. All of them were of Merlin.

Arthur shook his head and jumped straight up. Without so much as a cry of pain, he bashed his head against one bedpost.

"_Arthur, stop it!"_

He smiled and continued to hit his head on the wood.

_"Please, Arthur, you're hurting yourself!"_

When he felt blood dripping, he knew what was to come.

"You clotpole," whispered Merlin, standing there with tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. The warlock walked over to the king and yanked him away from the offending carpentry before retracting away like he'd been burned. "Never do that again!"

Arthur smiled and tried to reach out to Merlin, who promptly took a step back. With a frown replacing his smile, Arthur shook his head. "No promises, love. You know it's my only way to see your beautiful face again."

Merlin glared. "You're not even seeing it."

"It's close enough."

Merlin shook his head. "If you want to see me, you'll have to find me."

Arthur tried touching him again, his voice becoming increasingly desperate. "I've tried, I've tried everything, and I can't! Why can't I find you?"

The hallucination sighed as he stepped further out of the king's reach. "Because I don't want to be found."

Merlin disappeared.

* * *

"Three, two, one!" cried Amelia. "Ready or not, here I come!"

The eight year old raced around for a bit, looking, before smirking and muttering a few choice words. Her eyes flashed gold, and a glowing path appeared. She followed it.

"Found you, Tommy!" she cried as she swept the two year old up into her arms. He squealed in delight before babbling away in toddler gibberish.

She followed another way the glowing path led, and soon found Lily, too, who pouted with indignation and claimed rather loudly, " 'Melia cheated!"

Kelvin wasn't as easy to find as the others, him being up in a tree and all, but when they did, he threw a worse fit than Lily.

"You used magic," he accused, pointing a finger in Amelia's face, making her go cross-eyed. "You cheated! I'm gonna tell!"

"No!" Amelia shrieked. If he told Angel, she would be punished. If he told Morgana, she would be scolded. If he told Emrys…

Kelvin ran back into their camp, heading straight into the third tent on the left. Amelia scrambled after him, the younger ones toddling behind slowly.

"…But she cheated, Emrys!"

"I know. I'll talk to her." Amelia stiffened, hearing those words just as she was about to enter the tent. Feeling a bit bolder than she felt and looked, she promptly strode in and screamed with dignity:

"I didn't do it!"

Kelvin glared as Emrys chuckled. "Kelvin," said the warlock with a smile. "Why don't you check on Thomas and Lily while we talk in here?"

The boy gave her an "I got you" smirk as he passed her, whereas she glared. "You'll pay."

"Amelia." She cringed. Emrys never yelled, but you knew you were in for it when he got _that _tone of voice. It was low and deadly, and just made you want the ground to swallow you up. "You know cheating is wrong."

She hung her head. "Yes, Emrys. I'm sorry, Emrys."

She heard him snort. "No need to be so formal, kid."

"Sorry, Emrys."

"Do I really scare you that much? If I was your age, I would be outside right now having a fist-fight with Kelvin for tattling."

She looked up, only to see that he wasn't angry. His clouded-over blue eyes showed a small amount of amusement. She instantly relaxed.

"I think I'll go do that now," Amelia said with a smirk. Emrys, however, grabbed her by the shoulder.

"No magic, though. You know it's an unfair advantage."

"Okay."

"Don't beat him too much."

She smiled. "I won't. Thanks Emrys."

Merlin smiled, even though he couldn't see her's. "Anytime. Now go get him!" He slapped her on the back and heard her run off. Normally, he would go out and make sure the fight didn't get _too _dirty, but something was holding him back. Something…magical? He wasn't sure.

Angel appeared a little later. "Really, Emrys? Really? Now Kelvin has a split lip and Amelia has a scraped knee. What were you thinking?"

"That Amelia shouldn't have gone for the face?"

"Emrys!"

"C'mon, would you rather them being pushovers? We both know that they'll get together when their older." He rolled his blind eyes. "They're madly in love."

She shook her head, in either amusement, acknowledgement, or disbelief as Merlin stood up and groped about, finally finding her shoulders. She sighed and led him out to the campfire where only Kelvin and Amelia sat glaring at each other from across the flames.

"Where's Morgana?" Angel asked.

"Giving the brats a bath," mumbled Kelvin.

Merlin glowered in his direction. "They're not brats, Kelvin. You should know that."

The boy gulped, hearing _that _tone. "Of course, Emrys."

Merlin was going to say something else, but was cut off by a loud scream.

* * *

"St-aaaaaaaaaap, 'Gana!" Lily cried as Morgana dragged her near the shallow river. Thomas held her hand quietly, making no protests.

" 'Gana, I don't want a bath!" the little girl yelled. Morgana picked her up, dropping Thomas's hand, and pretended to smell her hair.

"Ah, but you need one!" Morgana poked Lily in the stomach, making her giggle and momentarily forget her small tantrum.

Thomas, meanwhile, tugged on her trousers (living in the woods would be hell with a dress, so Morgana wore men's clothes, as did Angel, Lily, and Amelia). " 'Gana," he whispered. " 'Gana!"

"…And what would Emrys think? He won't like you if you're all smelly."

" 'Gana!" Thomas tried again.

She smiled and looked down. "Yes, Tommy?"

Before the toddler could answer, however, a chain-mail clad man fell at their feet. With one blood-encrusted hand, he reached up. Morgana screamed as she saw his face.

It wasn't the gore on his face that made her scream, nor the expression he held, but what his face identified him as.

It was Sir Gwaine.

* * *

**A/N: Hellos everyone! Here is the chapter!**

**And I would like to thank my Beta, TruffleHead, for beta-ing. So...THANK YOU! :D**

**Oh and note: this is Merthur. **

**And another note: Merlin is blind in this fic. I elaborate more on this in the next chapter.**

**And thanks to all you guys that reviewed, followed, and favorited! Cookies for you! (But no muffins, because they're evil)**

**So? Shall I continue it? (I'm going to ask this after every chapter, so you might as well answer.) Shall I?**


	4. Chapter 4

Gwaine had subconsciously known that he would probably wake up to the face of his concerned friends, or maybe even Gauis', if they had made it back to Camelot. Actually, he had considered waking up to a number of things. But a small child poking him was not one of them.

With a surprised yelp, he jumped up. The little boy scrambled away from him, obviously afraid.

"You better?" asked the child, after a moment, apparently not scared, but curious. " 'Ily make you better?"

Before Gwaine could ask who "Ily" was, another young child ran into the tent. Her hair was golden blonde and her eyes a darkish blue. She almost reminded the knight of the king.

The little girl squealed and clapped her hands. "I made you better?"

Gwaine nodded. Might as well make the child happy, even if he had no idea what was happening.

She squealed again and stuck her head outside the tent. "Emr's! Dat weird man's awake!"

Gwaine's head snapped up when he heard "Emr's" (which he assumed was "Emrys" in little kid dialect). Last time he checked, Morgana was looking for Emrys.

Morgana. They hadn't heard from her in years. Maybe this Emrys had gotten her.

"Emr's!" the little girl squealed again. There was a muffled sound, and then a voice.

"I'm coming, I'm coming! Do you know how hard it is to walk around when you can't see anything? Sure, I'm used to it, but it's still annoying. And now look at yourself, Merlin, you're talking to yourself…again…"

The knight's heart skipped a beat. That voice… A man entered the tent.

And Gwaine launched himself at his best friend.

"Merlin!" he cried, crushing the lithe man into a hug.

The warlock laughed. "Nice to see you too, Gwaine. Well, I wouldn't say 'see,' but…" He shook his head. "Hi."

Gwaine swallowed, a few tears of pure happiness escaping. "After five years, all you can say is 'hi'?"

"Why not? It's a good conversation starter."

Gwaine shook his head and brought him in for another hug. "Where have you been?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Long story. Anyways, what the hell happened? We found you half dead on the side of the river."

Gwaine thought, memories flashing back. "I was in a fight."

"With who?"

Gold hair and cold blue eyes flashed in his mind's eye. Arthur. But he couldn't tell Merlin that. "I don't remember."

The warlock raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

The knight nodded. "Really."

Merlin sighed. "Well, you really took a beating. If it wasn't for Lily, you'd probably have internal bleeding right now, or something drastic like that."

"Lily?"

Merlin nodded. "Is she still in here? And Thomas?"

Gwaine looked around, seeing that the children must have toddled away. "They're gone." He suddenly had a thought. "Are you telling me that little girl saved my life?"

Merlin made an agreeable face. "Yep. She's a pretty good physician when you get down to it, but it's mostly her magic that does it."

"She has magic?"

"Yes, she does." Merlin's voice was challenging.

"Interesting…" Gwaine acted nonchalant. "You have magic, too, right?"

Merlin sighed in an expectant sort of way. "So, Arthur told you?"

Gwaine nodded. "He needed a reason to bring magic back."

"He brought magic back for me?" Merlin laughed humorlessly. "How ironic."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Just that the Pendragon's a dirty hypocrite, that's all." Merlin shook his head. "God, I hate him."

Gwaine's eyes widened. "What? Merlin, you _hate_ him? Why?"

Merlin smiled morbidly. "You would too, if the man had tried to kill you."

"_What_?"

Merlin took a breath, preparing for a story. "Look, do you want to know what happened? You might as well know."

Gwaine nodded, but Merlin did not respond to that, so he made an agreeable sound.

"Alright, you probably know the beginning – Arthur and I went on a hunting trip. What most people didn't know was that we were in a relationship at the time, as in more than friendship. We went on that hunting trip to, you know…" He blushed and cleared his throat. "Anyways, we were attacked. I got a nasty hit to the side of the head. Knocked me out for three days, and made me lose my sight." He brought a hand up to his temple, where there was evidence of a large white scar underneath some raven hair. "Hurt like hell."

"You lost your sight?" Gwaine asked, looking at the warlock for confirmation. He had half guessed already, seeing Merlin's blue eyes clouded over and by the way the warlock had never fully looked at him, but he never really thought that his suspicion had been right.

Merlin nodded as a female voice was heard outside the tent. "Yeah, my sight is gone. Would you like to hear the rest of the story now? I think dinner will be ready soon."

"I'll hear it now. I've been waiting five years for it."

Merlin started again. "I had no idea where Arthur was. I think he had escaped. I was a little hurt that he didn't come out for me, but I realized he probably thought I was dead." He shrugged. "After I came to this conclusion, it occurred to me that no one was coming. That I had to get myself out of this. So, naturally, I turned to my magic."

Gwaine listened more intently now.

"When I thought everyone had gone to sleep, I unchained myself and ran for it. I had no idea of which direction I was going in. I fell down." He blinked at this. "I thought, 'Well, Merlin, look what you've gotten yourself into now. You'll probably die out here, alone. Good one.' But after I was done moping, I sensed something; a presence. A familiar one. Arthur's. I still have no idea how he found me. He helped me up and held me close all night. He kept telling me how much he loved me." Merlin's eyes narrowed and his voice and faced darkened. "I should have known those were lies."

Gwaine decided to cut in there. He didn't care that Arthur had beat the hell out of him last night, the king needed Merlin back. "He does love you! After all this time, he still searches for you. He's not the same without you, everyone can see it. He needs –"

Merlin held up his hand, silencing him. "Let me finish my story," he said in a voice that was neither raised, nor angry, but just conveyed pure _power_. "In the morning, he kissed me awake and asked me why I wasn't looking at him. I told him I lost my sight." Merlin chuckled grimly. "He said he didn't care. That he still loved me. Those were lies too.

"We set off for Camelot after that. However, the men that had attacked us earlier were waiting for us halfway there. There were so many, Gwaine…I just…" Merlin took a breath. "I used my magic in front of Arthur. All the men scattered, and those who didn't fell dead.

"Arthur didn't say anything, until I tried stepping near him. I can still remember his voice. 'Don't touch me, you filthy sorcerer.' I tried to explain, to tell him I only used my magic for him, but…"

Merlin pressed his hands to a spot on his chest, his face contorting the memory of pain. "He stabbed me. With his sword. I'll always remember his last words to me. 'You lied to me. You _enchanted _me, didn't you? Really, how could I fall in love with _you_? A sorcerer, and now a blind freak!' He spat on me then said, 'If you ever had any real love for me, you'll stay there and die.' He walked away after that. I don't even think he looked back."

Merlin's story seemed to be finished, but there were a lot of questions to be answered.

"What happened to you after that?"

Merlin smiled, as if he hadn't just relayed his most scarring moments. "That's a story for after dinner. C'mon, I think I hear Morgana calling us already."

"_Morgana_?!" the knight asked, incredulously.

Merlin smirked good-naturally. "And that's another story, too."

"How many stories do you have to tell me?"

"Quite a few, actually. But, now, I think it's time we had dinner and you met your daughter."

* * *

Leon approached the king warily. It wasn't their usual "searching" time of the month, but the king had insisted that they go look for Merlin.

"Sire," the knight started. "Don't you think we should double back, then head home? Gwaine's gone missing, and it's getting dark."

Arthur's face remained emotionless. "Gwaine hasn't gone missing."

The knight's eyes widened a bit and he shot a glance back at his friends. "Then where is he?"

Arthur suddenly smiled, but not in a nice way. More like in a sadistic, maniac way. "I left him by the river a while back. He'd be lucky to still be alive."

"What?" Dread filled in the pit of Leon's stomach.

"Oh, yes. The traitor had started to question me, question my health, questioning if I was alright because I seemed to be talking to the air." The king gave Leon a piercing look. "I was _not_ talking to the air. I was talking to Merlin."

"Sire, you do know Merlin is-"

"I know, Leon." There was venom in his voice. "I know. That is why we are out here. But then Gwaine had decided to question my judgment. He thought that once a month was enough. He even had the _gall _to say my Merlin might be dead." Arthur smiled insanely again. "But I showed him to watch his tongue."

Leon started, appalled at the man in front of him. He was insane.

The knight desperately hoped they found Merlin soon, because, if they didn't, Camelot was certainly doomed.

* * *

**A/N: Hi. (It's a good conversation starter, right?)**

**Well, this was the chapter. Think of it as you will.**

**And HUGE thanks to my beta, TruffleHead, who is very nice and generally AWESOME!**

**And thanks to all you guys, too, for reviewing, fav-ing, and following! You deserve magical unicorns, but you get free air guitars!**

**So, hope the magics are in everyone's favor and that evil muffins don't come your way! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Big thanks to the awesomest Beta ever, Trufflehead! She's awesome guys! So, yep, thank you. **

**SETEE! (Don't try and understand it if you're not Trufflehead.) **

* * *

Amelia rolled over in the bedroll she shared with Kelvin, finding it cold on the other side.

"That idiot," she muttered tiredly as she sat up. In the back of her mind, she knew she should have told Emrys or Morgana that he was missing, but she didn't want him to get in trouble.

So, showing no qualms about the dark, she set off to find her best friend.

* * *

In the dead of night, Arthur set off into the forest alone. He needed some time away from his knights. They had been talking about him, and not kindly at that.

"Traitors," he hissed to no one as he spied a lake. Walking over to it, he knelt down and stared at his own image.

"They're just concerned about you," his reflection told him.

"Concerned? I'm perfectly fine!" he said back with almost a sneer.

"Yes, because everything you've done and told them about is 'fine'." His reflection gave him a raised eyebrow, voice thick with sarcasm. "When are you going to face it? Merlin doesn't want to be found."

Arthur glared. "Merlin wants to come home; he wants to be with me."

"Really? Last time I checked, he ran away from you." His reflection looked sadly up at him. "And you know why."

Arthur looked off into the distance. "Merlin loves me. No matter my mistakes."

"You killed him."

Arthur whipped his head back to face his image in the water. "That was my mistake. I should have realized what that would have done."

"Excalibur can kill magic itself," his reflection said, sounding wise. "Imagine what it did to Merlin."

Arthur closed his eyes and winced. "My Merlin," he muttered softly.

"Is he even your Merlin?"

Arthur's eyes opened and he hit the water, making ripples in his reflection. "Don't you dare say that! He loves me just as much as I love him!"

"Then why did he run?" he reflection asked. "If he loves you, why did he run from you?"

"He was scared." Arthur swallowed, knowing which questions would follow.

"What was he scared of?"

"Me," the king whispered. "Merlin was scared of me."

"Why was he scared of you?" his reflection asked in a condescending tone, almost like an adult asking a child what they did wrong.

Arthur cringed. "Because I – I-"

"Yes?"

"I ran him through." Arthur took a breath as his hand subconsciously went to his blade. "That's why he ran from me."

"Don't forget your curse," his reflection said sadly. "That's just another reason for him to stay away."

"Why am I even doing this?" Arthur asked himself suddenly. "Talking to myself; why am I doing it?"

"Because you need to admit it," his reflection said bluntly and simply. "You need realize what has happened."

Arthur was going to reply, but a whistle cut him off. "Wuh-ow. And I thought Emrys was crazy for talking to himself."

Arthur jumped to his feet and whirled around, expecting an attack. His eyes scanned the area, finding no one.

"You know, talking to yourself is never a problem," the voice said. It was young, maybe a child's. "It's when you start talking back; that's the problem. First sign of madness, they say."

"Show yourself!" the king called, his weapon out already.

"Tut, tut," the voice answered. "Going to hurt me with your scary sword?"

"Come out and fight me like a man!"

He heard an audible sigh, followed by a scuffling noise. The next thing he heard was a loud _thud_ and a young boy was standing in front of him, having just jumped out of a tree.

"I heard what you saying to yourself, mister. Sounds like you royally screwed up," the boy with maybe less malice now that he could see his face.

Arthur shook his head and turned away.

The boy took a step closer and cocked his head, as if trying to decide something about the king. "Want to talk about it? I mean, to someone that isn't yourself."

Arthur gave the boy a wary look. "Why?"

The boy shrugged. "I'm young, I'm curious, I can't sleep, and I'm bored. What better way to spend my time than by listening to the ramblings of a mad-man?"

Normally, when someone even suggested that Arthur was just a bit funny in the head, he threatened them with an inch of their life (verbally and physically). But this boy, there was just something about him – the way he talked, the way he held himself – that made the king feel, well, _relaxed_.

It reminded him a bit of Merlin.

"I'm not mad," he pointed out as he sat down. The boy rolled his eyes and joined him on the ground.

"Sure," he said. "Not that there's anything wrong with mad people. My…you know? I'm not sure what he is to me…Anyways, Emrys is probably mad. He talks to himself a lot and actually _wants _to do work sometimes."

"Who's Emrys?" Arthur asked, not wanting to give away his sob story just yet.

"He saved me a few years back from a group of slave traders. They were about to beat me when he came in. He picked me off, dusted me off, and took me in. I've been with him ever since."

The name "Emrys" struck a memory from within Arthur, but he couldn't quite remember its significance. "So, he's like you father in a way?"

The boy nodded. "I guess, even though he's way too young to be _my _father. He could be Lily's or Tommy's though." At Arthur's blank look, he elaborated. "Other children he's saved."

"He sounds like quite the hero," Arthur mentioned, nodding.

"Oh, he is," was all the boy said. "Enough about me. Tell me what happened with this 'Merlin'."

Arthur sighed and began. "Well, Merlin was my best friend and my soul mate. One day we went out hunting." He paused.

The boy made a "keep going" hand gesture with a slightly irked expression, most likely a reaction to the uninteresting beginning.

"It wasn't exactly to hunt, you see, we just wanted to get away from it all and maybe….you know….without being interrupted…." Arthur coughed and the boy looked confused.

"Oh! You went going away so you could kiss each other!" the boy exclaimed as his eyes lit up.

"Erm, something like that," Arthur muttered, relieved he didn't have to explain the finer parts of life to a child. "Anyways, when we got to our destination, we settled in and rested for a while. Well, that resting led to falling asleep. When I woke up, Merlin was gone."

The boy raised an eyebrow. "And?"

Arthur closed his eyes at the memory. "I should have protected him better, I shouldn't have let them take him."

"Who took him?"

The king opened his eyes with a kind of fury. "A witch. She had once been my sister. She took Merlin and tied him up with a strange type of rope that burned his skin."

"Did your Merlin have magic?" the boy interrupted.

"Yes," Arthur answered, tight-lipped.

"She was using a magic-restraint!" the boy supplied unhelpfully.

Arthur nodded. "Yes, she was. I charged at her, intending to kill and I stabbed her, but it went straight through her. She was just an image."

At this point Arthur's eyes narrowed. "I don't know how she did it. I never saw her move. When I turned around she was next to Merlin, her eyes were gold and she was muttering in that strange magic language. I – I couldn't stop her. She put a curse on Merlin."

The boy was silent for moment. "Oh."

"She vanished after that. I had no idea of what she has done, until I ran up to Merlin. I untied him, made sure he was alright, and walked him back to where we had set up camp. We were going to leave at first light."

"But when we tried to fall asleep, he started screaming; screaming that he was on fire, that he was watching me die, that all those that he'd loved and lost were staring at him. He stared hitting himself, hitting the ground, scratching himself, trying to make it stop. I held him close throughout the night and tried calming him down, but nothing would work."

"When we tried to move the next day he had another attack like this. It took him almost all day to calm down. When we did start-" Arthur stopped, hearing a sound coming from the bushes. He raised his hand to silence the boy's complaints.

He stood up silently, sword getting drawn. He crept forward and reached out quickly into the bushes, grasping something – _no,_ someone – by the scruff of their neck. He heard a squeal and threw whoever it was to the ground.

"State your name!" he growled at the little girl he was pointing his sword at. She trembled.

The boy, as it seemed, knew her. He tried launching himself at Arthur with a battle cry, but the king easily pushed him away.

"What's your business here?!" Arthur snarled. "Tell me or you shall not live to see the sunrise!"

Arthur's eyes turned red. He was going to do it. He was going to kill this little girl.

She started crying. "My n-name's Amelia and I was just looking for-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence.

The clatter of metal on the ground has interrupted. Arthur had dropped his sword.

"What have I done?" he asked, horrified. He took a step back, stumbling and falling backwards.

The boy glared at him as he went over to the girl. "You okay, 'Melia?" he asked in a hushed tone.

She shook her head yes and the boy wrapped his arms around her. They both looked at Arthur.

"I'm sorry," Arthur said, staring at them in shock.

"Get away from us," the boy growled. He picked up a rock and threw it at him.

Arthur numbly nodded and began backing away, backing away while his sanity lasted.

* * *

**A/N: I know, WTF?! **

**Hey guys, how've you been? It's been a while since I updated this, hasn't it...(Sorry, I'm a bad author. Plus, after chapter three I had no idea where this story was going. Then I came up with many ideas. One question: Do you want a happy ending or a sad ending? Or an angry ending? I'm good with any.)**

**Oh, and thanks for reviewing, following, and fav-ing, guys, it means a lot! Free invisible unicorns to you!**


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